You Had To Be There

Admittedly, I'm not a big country music fan, but listening to Tim McGraw's new song about absentee fatherhood really touched me - especially after learning that his biological/absent father was a major league baseball player.



Here are the lyrics:

"You Had To Be There" by Tim McGraw

He sat down, picked up the phone and said Boy, I'm your old man.
He touched the glass between the two, as if to shake his hand
The boy he didn't budge, not even so much as a blink
The man said oh come on, better late than never, don't ya think.

He said I read it in the paper, can't believe you're 21,
I can't believe some son of mine could do the things I hear you've done.
He went on like some big hero, who flew in to save the day
And the boy said if your here, to steer me right, man, its too late

You had to be there, and I'm talkin from from day one.
Thats the only time a man should talk through glass to his new son
And you'd have to go back, and teach me how when i was nine
Cause my mama couldn't throw a ball even if she had the time.
I should have been learning how to fish, instead of learning how to smoke.
I bet if you'd of whoopped my tail, i'd never thought it was a joke
He said sometimes the will for doing wrong is way too strong for any mama's prayers
You had to be there.

The man said, boy I'm sorry that you hate me like you do
The boy said dry it up man, we ain't making this about you.
Its about a teenage girl against the world who was left there high and dry
About a kid who might have stood a whole lot better shot at life, but
You Had To Be There
And I'm talking from day one,

Thats the only time a man should talk through glass to his new son
You'd have to go back and teach me how when I was nine
Cause my mama couldn't throw a ball even if she had the time.
I should have been learning how to fish, instead of learning how to smoke
I bet if you'd of whooped my tail I'd never thought it was a joke
Sometimes the will for doing wrong is way too strong for any mama's prayer
You had to be there.

Before the boy hung up the phone, he said they say me I'm out of time
And it hit the man, right there and then
My god son, so am I

NYTimes Article: Parents Working Together

Check out this NYTimes article about the barriers dads face in terms of becoming more involved and how important it is for parents to not only work together but to respect their different parenting approaches. It's more evidence that people really need to be educated about how to work these things out.

For Charlie, On Your Sixth B-day

Dear Charlie,

Your mother and I can’t believe that yet another year in your life has passed and you are now the amazing age of six! Every time your birthday rolls by I can’t help but think back on that moment, not so long ago, that you arrived. You were so little that you couldn’t even cry yet. All you could emit was a tiny little squeak. But from the moment you came into our arms, we have loved you and will always love you.

I really marvel at all of the new things you are capable of doing and experiencing. You make your bed and dress yourself every morning. You can write your own name. You know how to swim in the deep end of the pool and traverse underwater like a frog. I was so proud of you on our camping trip when we trekked for three hours over a giant mountain. Last week, when I got to watch you in action at school, I was so impressed by your prowess with building blocks. You definitely have a creative bent as well as an engineer’s mind. I wonder whether you will end up going to MIT like your grandpa and your uncle. I know Nani and Papa wouldn’t mind as that would put you closer to them. But let’s not rush things. There’s still so much time before such things, still so many things to do and learn and share.

I’m so happy that you now have a wonderful teacher who can appreciate all of your strengths and your individuality. You are a very lucky boy to have her in charge of you this year and I only wish I had a teacher like her when I was in Kindergarten.

Charlie, it’s so exciting for me to see you growing up as you are and to be able to walk alongside you as you take more steps into the world. It is not only a joy but a life affirming privilege. Your mother and I are so proud of you and always remember that we will always love you – no matter what.

Happy 6^th Birthday, son!

Love,

Daddy

What Is That?

Check out this short film from Greece about fatherhood. It's very touching and something all of us parents should remember when our kids ask us the same question over and over and over. (Thank you, Betsy, for bringing this to my attention.)

The Dividends of Dad

This morning I helped chaperone Charlie's Kindergarten class' trip to a local farm. It was the first time Charlie had ever been on a school bus. At the farm we went on a hayride with the final destination being a giant pumpkin patch. After selecting pumpkins, we all munched on fresh donuts and cider. Then it started to rain, so we all hopped back on the bus and back to the school.

Back in Charlie's classroom, his teacher informed all of us chaperones that we could take our kids home, but Charlie insisted on sticking around until the official time to leave. So, there I was, the only parent in the classroom, with a front row seat of my son making a city out of wood blocks with his classmates. Getting a glimpse of Charlie in Kindergarten like this made me feel as lucky as if I had a backstage pass to a Springsteen concert. It was one of those moments that, as a father, was just pure, unadulterated joy; and it's moments like these that make being involved with my sons the greatest investment of my time. Thank you for this morning, Charlie. I love you.

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Progress Update

If you've been wondering why this blog has been a little more sporadic of late, the reason is purely that all of our energy and time is going into getting this film completed. It's that mammoth an undertaking. Right now we are in the editing phase, with a little more additional filming. Watching the film coming together is a truly remarkable thing to behold and we can't wait to share it with you.

Something else we're very excited about is the upcoming revamp of the main Evolution of Dad site as well as this blog. It's going to be awesome!

Lastly, in the near future we'll be putting up our very first podcast interview an author of special note. This is still in the preliminary phases so I can't say more, but more about this soon as well.

So, thanks for your patience and your interest and looking forward to sharing more from the Evolution!

Pony

If you were around in the early '80's you knew the full impact that Michael Jackson had on the world. I can remember walking down the street in Boston, circa 1984 and witnessing a gang of kids parading about, all wearing the signature silver glove. No artist since the Beatles has had such an influence on so many people.

So, what does this have to do with fatherhood?

Watch the above interview clip between Larry King and Rabbi Schmuley, who was close with Jackson and you'll see why. The fact that Jackson would focus on a childhood memory of his father placing him atop a pony at a carnival as the sole reminder of the love between them is staggering; but even more so, that this need for love from his father drove Jackson to find it from his adoring fans - what a tragedy. If ever there was an iconic example of what can happen to a person when their father is not a source of care and love, Michael Jackson's tragic story is it.