We're always on the lookout for people to help with the project who are incredibly passionate about fatherhood. Meriel Shire is one such person. She grew up under the care of a divorced father and their bond is something very, very special.
"When I was a little girl and I learned that I couldn't be a father when I grew up, I was really upset," Meriel remembers.
Meriel shared with me how devoted her dad has been over the years. When she was going through puberty he took her bra shopping. They would have very candid conversations about sex and other things that most fathers would squirm at. Meriel shared how her father became a surrogate dad for many of her friends who had poor or non-existent relations with their own actual fathers.
In a time where so many daughters don't really know their dads, it's a real pleasure to hear accounts like Meriel's. Listening to Meriel and others, it becomes so clear how much potential the role of fatherhood can have.
So, welcome aboard, Meriel. We're so glad to have you involved in the project!
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
The #1 Reason Why Dads Get Involved
I've mentioned Jessica DeGroot from The Third Path Institute in these annals before and here I am doing so once again. Jessica is someone who truly understands the larger issues of what is happening regarding balancing family and work and I am ever so grateful for her contributions to the project. The reason I'm waxing poetic about her is primarily due to an email she recently sent. We had been discussing some of the factors that help dads get more involved with their families. Here's #1 on her list:
"I think the number one reason men in professional jobs get more involved with family is because of the mother's attitude - for some reason she feels very strongly about having the dad involved."
Jessica's assessment seems to cut to the core of the issue. If moms really want dads to get more involved with the family then they have to be not only willing to give up some of the power in their 'separate sphere' of the home, but they must expect that involvement. If this expectation isn't there then the likelihood, especially given the current attitude of most companies, is that most dads will fall back into the traditional role of detached breadwinner.
Now, the good news is that we are in a current state of flux as to perceptions about what men and women can do in areas they were previously unwelcome. Hillary Clinton's bid for the presidency is of course the most visible current example of this. Unfortunately, there's still a long way to go. Most moms and dads have a hard time with difference. Their identities are so wrapped around being the breadwinner, the supermom or what have you that they aren't willing to let go enough to let their partners in - even though doing so would make for a healthier and happier situation.
Author Julie Shields wrote in her book, How To Avoid The Mommy Trap, about how important it is for couples to sit down and really discuss these issues before having kids. This is a team effort and the more that men and women are willing to let go and be more inclusive, the more involved everyone will be and the better off we'll all be.
"I think the number one reason men in professional jobs get more involved with family is because of the mother's attitude - for some reason she feels very strongly about having the dad involved."
Jessica's assessment seems to cut to the core of the issue. If moms really want dads to get more involved with the family then they have to be not only willing to give up some of the power in their 'separate sphere' of the home, but they must expect that involvement. If this expectation isn't there then the likelihood, especially given the current attitude of most companies, is that most dads will fall back into the traditional role of detached breadwinner.
Now, the good news is that we are in a current state of flux as to perceptions about what men and women can do in areas they were previously unwelcome. Hillary Clinton's bid for the presidency is of course the most visible current example of this. Unfortunately, there's still a long way to go. Most moms and dads have a hard time with difference. Their identities are so wrapped around being the breadwinner, the supermom or what have you that they aren't willing to let go enough to let their partners in - even though doing so would make for a healthier and happier situation.
Author Julie Shields wrote in her book, How To Avoid The Mommy Trap, about how important it is for couples to sit down and really discuss these issues before having kids. This is a team effort and the more that men and women are willing to let go and be more inclusive, the more involved everyone will be and the better off we'll all be.
Hang in there, Pat!
I just learned that one of the project's contributors and a really great guy, Pat Gagnon, barely survived a horrible blaze that struck his apartment in Hoboken last week. Pat managed to get out of his three story apartment building but, sadly, his roommate was not so fortunate. Pat is currently resting in VT with his family and we want to wish him a quick recovery from such an earthshaking event. Hang in there, Pat.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Why Generation 'Me' is Going To Work For Us
There's been a lot of writing lately regarding the new generation that's crept into their Twenties and are now seeking their own slice of the American Pie. Words like 'narcissistic' and 'most self centered' are used fairly liberally towards this new crop of kids. What I also keep hearing is that this generation was brought up with 'trophies' and 'adulation' and the inability to be told 'no' to. I've heard from teachers that it was difficult dealing with their parents, who treat their children like little Messiahs - and when there's a problem at school, it must be the teacher's fault. Sounds pretty terrible, huh?
Well, let me share the upside of all of this: This new generation of kids are inevitably going to affect more family work balance than ever before? Why? Simply put, because in the next few years, when they start settling down and having kids and wanting to spend more time with them, they are going to DEMAND to have more work/family balance; and there are so many of them that companies are going to cede to these demands, change their policies, in order to maintain a better worker pool.
I think USA Today spelled it out fairly accurately in an article they published a little while back:
"They're young, smart, brash. They may wear flip-flops to the office or listen to iPods at their desk. They want to work, but they don't want work to be their life."
Keep reading that last part of the quote. It goes straight to the heart of things.
I used to think that my Generation (X) was going to be the one to shape things up (and doesn't that fall in line with most generations and the marketing campaigns that push it along:) But now, of course, I have a clearer perspective. There might be company policies about paternity leave, more flexible schedules, etc, but it's fairly irrelevant because for most of us Gen-X dads (and some moms, too) it doesn't even occur to us to ask - or if it does, making such a request is so looked so down upon by the powers that be that few dare to make them.
My prediction: not so with Generation 'Me'. They are going to ask big time because it's in their lexicon of desire for self-fulfillment and because for many of them, they remember all too well growing up under the auspices of daycare and full time nannies since their parents were too busy (warranted or not) to be around too much. Remember the cultural creation of 'quality time?' My theory is that it was created sometime in '80's to make working parents feel better because they weren't able to give their kids what they really need: quantity time.
So, keep an eye on this new Generation that everyone older seems to be up in arms about. They're going to change family/work balance in ways previously inconceivable - and then just wait until they are in their forties and now hold the reigns of management. Take a guess at what kind of work/family precedent they will then be beholden to when the toddlers of today march out of college? The Evolution of Dad will be something else altogether and I can't wait, as a granddaddy, to see it.
Evo Dad out.
Well, let me share the upside of all of this: This new generation of kids are inevitably going to affect more family work balance than ever before? Why? Simply put, because in the next few years, when they start settling down and having kids and wanting to spend more time with them, they are going to DEMAND to have more work/family balance; and there are so many of them that companies are going to cede to these demands, change their policies, in order to maintain a better worker pool.
I think USA Today spelled it out fairly accurately in an article they published a little while back:
"They're young, smart, brash. They may wear flip-flops to the office or listen to iPods at their desk. They want to work, but they don't want work to be their life."
Keep reading that last part of the quote. It goes straight to the heart of things.
I used to think that my Generation (X) was going to be the one to shape things up (and doesn't that fall in line with most generations and the marketing campaigns that push it along:) But now, of course, I have a clearer perspective. There might be company policies about paternity leave, more flexible schedules, etc, but it's fairly irrelevant because for most of us Gen-X dads (and some moms, too) it doesn't even occur to us to ask - or if it does, making such a request is so looked so down upon by the powers that be that few dare to make them.
My prediction: not so with Generation 'Me'. They are going to ask big time because it's in their lexicon of desire for self-fulfillment and because for many of them, they remember all too well growing up under the auspices of daycare and full time nannies since their parents were too busy (warranted or not) to be around too much. Remember the cultural creation of 'quality time?' My theory is that it was created sometime in '80's to make working parents feel better because they weren't able to give their kids what they really need: quantity time.
So, keep an eye on this new Generation that everyone older seems to be up in arms about. They're going to change family/work balance in ways previously inconceivable - and then just wait until they are in their forties and now hold the reigns of management. Take a guess at what kind of work/family precedent they will then be beholden to when the toddlers of today march out of college? The Evolution of Dad will be something else altogether and I can't wait, as a granddaddy, to see it.
Evo Dad out.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Househusband Macho!
Mike Nobel, a songwriter from Maine recently sent me what he calls a 'Stay-at-home Dad anthem' and I think he might be onto something. Check out Househusband Macho!
Besides being hilarious, what I really like about the song is that the husband is going to 'get lucky' that night. Works well with my research findings that dads doing more housework puts their wives more in the mood. Thanks, Mike, for putting this to music.
Besides being hilarious, what I really like about the song is that the husband is going to 'get lucky' that night. Works well with my research findings that dads doing more housework puts their wives more in the mood. Thanks, Mike, for putting this to music.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
WANTED: Working Dads Seeking More Family/Work Balance
As you may have read from a previous post on Daddy Wars, I believe the sparks of battle are beginning between working dads who want more family/work balance and management. As such, I'm putting on my war correspondent cap and am seeking any working dads who fit this. If you are such a dad or know such a dad, let me know. Likewise, if you are in a position of authority in your company and want to share your point of view, the Evolution of Dad is equally open and welcoming. Let's get this story right! Feel free to write me at: dana@evolutionofdad.com
Thanks!
Thanks!
Monday, January 7, 2008
Opening Up The Daddy Dam
My hope has always been not just to make a movie about dads but to spearhead a movement of fathers (and moms, too) finding creative ways to better balance work and family. From going out onto the streets and interviewing people it's so evident how many suffer because of the poor relations they have with their dads. I really hope we can change this. It will create a better America, a better world.
Let's do this together.
I've decided to open up the dam a bit with this blog and am welcoming in more perspectives on fathering than the movie itself can conceivably hold. In upcoming blogs I'm going to include all different types of media that are indicative of what this project stands for. Eventually, the website will reflect this with additional sections. So, if you have something dad-related to share, a song, an essay, a movie review, a home movie, a picture, send it on over. No promises, but I'll post it if I can.
On that note, here's a video I was recently sent by Spencer Altman, a work-at-home dad living in NYC. Between wandering the streets of Manhattan, checking out hip cafes with his seven-month-old son in tow, Spencer has created a kids clothing boutique, SohoKind, which has some very cool designs. Check 'em out. Spencer seems to have a clear idea about his new role as dad. Here's his video:
Let's do this together.
I've decided to open up the dam a bit with this blog and am welcoming in more perspectives on fathering than the movie itself can conceivably hold. In upcoming blogs I'm going to include all different types of media that are indicative of what this project stands for. Eventually, the website will reflect this with additional sections. So, if you have something dad-related to share, a song, an essay, a movie review, a home movie, a picture, send it on over. No promises, but I'll post it if I can.
On that note, here's a video I was recently sent by Spencer Altman, a work-at-home dad living in NYC. Between wandering the streets of Manhattan, checking out hip cafes with his seven-month-old son in tow, Spencer has created a kids clothing boutique, SohoKind, which has some very cool designs. Check 'em out. Spencer seems to have a clear idea about his new role as dad. Here's his video:
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